Classifying Starbucks Customers

For our writer's craft class, we were assigned an expository essay - I know. Thrilling.

But I decided to use the assignment to share my expertise on different types of Starbucks customers, a knowledge I have gained through meticulous observation over caramel frappuccinos and peppermint mochas.

I also decided that I should pass my knowledge on to more people than Dr. Chris Petty, and since I haven't posted in awhile, here you go!

(Image from rowox.com)

I am addicted to coffee. I’m not afraid to admit it. There are many others like me. As a coffee addict, I have spent quite a bit of time at Starbucks, my favorite coffee chain. The Starbucks atmosphere is unique, with the store’s art-covered walls, sophisticated music, and specialized lingo. During the many hours I have spent at Starbucks, I have noticed that the chain’s atmosphere appeals to a variety of customers. From my observations, I have concluded that Starbucks customers can be grouped into three basic categories: the rookies, the once-in-a-whiles, and the followers.

The rookies are perhaps the most amusing type of Starbucks customer. They also draw the most sympathy from staff and other patrons. When they first walk in the door, their faces show a mix of anticipation and anxiety. They have heard about the Starbucks atmosphere and are wondering whether it will live up to the hype; however, they are also nervous, as they do not want to let on that this is their first visit to the chain.

Rookies often go together or with a more experience Starbucks customer, hoping for safety in numbers. When they approach the counter, they will quickly glance at the menu above the smiling faces of the baristas, but be overwhelmed, as they don’t know the difference between a cappuccino, frappuccino, macchiato, or espresso. When the barista asks them for their order, they will do one of two things. The more prepared will slowly repeat the order that they memorized and practiced in the car before entering the store. The less prepared will nonchalantly ask the barista for “just a small regular coffee”, to which the barista will ask, “a tall?” Then the barista will have to explain that tall is Starbucks lingo for small, and explain the Starbucks coffee sizing schematic. Eventually, the rookie customer will walk away from the counter, red-faced, either not to return in the near future, or resolving to return more prepared.

The once-in-a-whiles are more comfortable with Starbucks lingo. They understand the drink sizing, have a basic understanding of what each kind of drink is, and know the flavour combinations available for each. The once-in-a-whiles usually go two or three times a month. They are often discouraged from going more often because of the high prices, and view a trip to Starbucks as a treat.

Once-in-a-whiles usually attend with other once-in-a-whiles, and treat it as a nice social outing and chance to visit over coffee. Their drink orders stray beyond the standard coffee or hot chocolate, but as they only go every so often and the drinks are expensive, they will order the same drink repeatedly. They only branch out if they try something ordered by another once-in-a-while and enjoy it.

The last group of Starbucks customers is the followers. I term them ‘followers’ rather than ‘regulars’ because Starbucks culture really does have a following. These customers know and love everything Starbucks. They are well versed in Starbucks lingo. The easiest way to pick out a follower is to overhear their order, which may be something like a “decaf double-tall non-fat extra-dry cappuccino”. They have taken the time to learn the lingo, which is not surprising when one accounts for how often they frequent the chain.

The followers visit Starbucks at least two or three times a week, and have therefore tried most things on the menu, and have perfected their order exactly to their liking. They are also the only customers who will go alone. You can spot them in the comfortable chairs in the corner, either with a book or their laptop, and they will sit for hours, enjoying the music and their beverage.

They are also often on a first-name basis with the workers, and are first to be offered the free products that are soon to expire. Starbucks values their loyalty so much that they are even offered invitations to a Starbucks Christmas party for lots of free beverages and a chance to mingle with other Starbucks regulars.

While the rookies, the once-in-a-whiles, and the followers are very different kinds of Starbucks customers, they are all attracted to the chain for its atmosphere. After my rookie Starbucks experience, I was hooked.

While I would like to consider myself a follower, I cannot afford to be so loyal to Starbucks, so, according to my own classification, would fall under the once-in-a-while crowd. In addition to classifying yourself, I would encourage you to visit your nearest Starbucks (chances are, there is one within a three-block radius), and attempt to classify all the customers that come through the door. Believe me, it will be worth it when you eavesdrop on the awkward exchange between a rookie and a barista.